and woke up with my eyes full of tears. I didn’t even know that was possible.
This ruined the dream I had last night, cuz this one just sucked. It was one of those dreams that you feel actually happened, I feel like my heart was just stomped on, maybe that’s because it’s how I’m actually feeling.
1-10: If I could go back in time, I would’ve changed the way things have turned out, but since I can’t I guess I’ll just never have the chance. It kills me to say it. And it kills me everyday. Just wished I’d had that chance. I hope you have a good life, with or without me.
You’re one of my best friends, like my other half. You’re one of the few girls who are down to do anything I do. And we all know I do some crazy sh*t. You’re my homecoming princess. haha. You’re my headache that I can’t get rid of, and don’t want to. You talk too much, but I’ll always want to listen. (; You’re the one who fills my yearbook camera. =/ But on a serious note, you’re always there to talk to, to confide in, been with me through it all. Always got my back, and never turn away. We’ve been through some rough patches, but always find a way back to the way we were. I’ll always be there for you Jo, you know I love you :)
I waited 5 hours just to see you for 5 minutes, but it was definitely worth the trouble. :) I went out of my way to come home on time. Wanted to make tonight a special night, cuz after all, 18 is pretty important. So at the end of the day, seeing you smile when you realized it was me was all worth it. I wish I could’ve spent more time with you today though. ),:
Happy birthday again and again and again! (:
(p.s. I started writing this at 11:## but I finished after 12 haha, so it still counts [:)
3. Heat; if it’s too hot I die. I love nice weather but I don’t care for sun too often, oddly enough I like the Frisco fog and the Seattle overcast (:
4. Troubles; as good as it feels to get out of them, I know I have to go through em, but I hate to go though them.
5. Speaking; even if I have the right words to say, I won’t. I’ll dance in front of millions, sing for anyone, act stupid in front of a crowd full of people, just don’t make me speak.
6. Waking up; I hate getting out of bed, just for a minute, then I can’t wait for the day.
7. Not winning; I get the biggest fits when I don’t, so if something comes along, I only do things when I know I have a good chance of winning, haha.
8. Pooping; it’s so gross. And it stinks, why couldn’t we have a different, nice smelling way to dispose of bodily waste. =/
9. When people don’t listen; I try to give advice, and hate it when they do something else. I tend to be right a lot, so people should just listen lol. And also, people who don’t learn from their mistakes. Why do the same thing, and think you’re gonna come out with different results?
10. My life as is; I hate where I’m at in my point in my life. I wish I could go back, or fast forward to where I’ll be happy again. I just can’t really say I’m happy where I am at all. It seems like nothing is going my way, nothing is happening for me. I just want to be happy again, as long ago as that was…
and I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God… and to Him, I am perfect in every way.
Truthfully, I do try to fit in, it’s human nature. I may try to come off as perfect, but if people only knew what I’ve been through, they’d see why I do the things I do. But of course, that’s a little personal. I’ve given my testimony to only three people in my life. Want my story? Buy my book, I’m sure I’ll write one, or ya know, there’s always that ask tab (:
But who knows, maybe one day, I’LL TELL THE WORLD MY STORY.
To know that He loves me no matter what; now that’s something else. No matter what you do, no matter how many times you turn away, no matter how many times you fall… He’ll always love you the same; whole-hearted and with no conditions. As amazing as that is, it’s not to take advantage of, I know I’m not the best person to be preaching this but I know that I’m on my way to something, somewhere, where only God knows what is in store for me. I may tend to slip every now and then, but I know where my heart is, and it’s with God. I may not be a perfect Christian, but we all know, perfect doesn’t exist here on Earth. Too many times have I turned my face from what He’s wanted me do, and too many times have I fallen short. But, I stand in faith for reason, in that I know that I’m worthy, I’m accepted, I’m loved. I’ve learned the hard way, don’t wait to fix your problems before you come to him, bring it to Him, lay it at the cross and your yokes will be destroyed and your burdens removed. I still carry baggage around with me, but with God, that baggage is slowing getting lifted off my shoulders and pretty soon, who knows? After all, they do call me Pastor PJ (;
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…" but know that, "for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ."
The truth is, over the past few years, I just found who I really am.
Don’t like?Don’t have to.
I’ve gotten a whole bunch of crap this summer, saying I’m fake, I’ve changed, I don’t know who you are anymore. Well, truth be told, I don’t even know who I am. That’s what my adolescent years are for right? Finding yourself. I can’t find out what I want if I don’t try to look. I’m like a kid in a candy store, in that I have so many options for myself to choose from. Don’t give me sh*t because I didn’t want to do things the way everyone else did.
Guess we can’t be right every time. But then again, every time things are going good, I tend to tell myself it’s not going to last, so then again, I guess I am right. This cycle is just never gonna end. Oh well, it’s fun, so I’ll keep playing, deal me another hand ;)?
I could live without money. I could live without the fame. And if everyday was sunny, I could live without the rain. And if I ever went up to heaven, I would fall right back down. That life wouldn’t be worth living…
I’m not gonna put any people on this list, I have way more than 10 people who I’d want to be on it (; lol. So anyways, Number one…
1. Music. I’m cheating because this is two into one. First off, I love to dance. It has freedom of expression, it’s a way to let sh*t out. I like to just let go when I do dance, I love all styles, Contemporary, Hip Hop, Breaking and such, although I can’t do all very well, it’s all about the love you put into it. <3 I also love to feel the music in a different way. I love to sing; in the shower, in the car, in studio and especially on stage. Music is my life, and I couldn’t picture doing anything else with. Music makes me feel a different way, and to show people just takes it to a whole other level.
2. Peach Rings. Doesn’t even matter what kind, I love the color, the sweet juicy flavor, wearing them on my fingers. I just love em period. They taste great, and always leave me satisfied, ;).
3. Coffee. I absolutely love COFFEE. I am a coffee fiend. Well, that could be because a majority of my senior year of high school, I never stepped foot out of Starbucks. I’d go to work early, drink some, do some hw, drink some, work, take a break, drink some, work, lunch, drink some, close, go home, make some. lol. Never had an empty cup ;) lol. I’m an addict.
4. Swimming. Especially if I’m swimming alone. I could swim in a nice cold lake, and just keep swimming out and it’s a nice time to think. But I also loved to compete. Not that my school’s team was any good, we weren’t, but it was fun. I wasn’t that great, but I was adequate enough to make the Varsity team haha.
5. Being in charge. Nothing makes me feel better, well something probably does, than having total control. And by this, I mean at all times ;) lol. But anyways, I just like the feeling of power and knowing that things are in my hands. I like the rush. xP
6. My car. I love that thing to death.It’s not the nice piece of metal in the parking lot, but it’s faithful lol. Granted, I probably don’t show her how much I do love her by the scratches and dent I’ve put her through, I couldn’t live without that thing. I literally, live out of it. I’m never not moving, and it helps me move faster. ;)
7. Making people smile. Chances are, if you’re smiling, you’re happy. And I just like people to be happy. So I like to make em smile :) What’s the point of a day if you can’t say it was worth while anyway? I mean if you think about it, every single day we live doesn’t change our course of life. It’s the big days that make the difference. So why not make the day in between happier, and just give a smile and get one back :)
8. Thinking. I love to think. Sometimes, I tend to think a bit too much. It just feels nice to sit and think things through and contemplate life. I like to think about the things I’ve done, what I’m doing and what I’m about to set out to do. I like to think alone most of the time, but someday it’ll be nice to let someone else into my head… (:
9. Partying. As awful as that is, I do. I love to party! I love the atmosphere, the people, the vibes. It’s just a rush. I love being there and making it better. Cuz God knows I can do that haha. Not saying that I like to get smashed, I just like to have a good time, not saying that this is the only way to have a good time. lol.
10. Quality time. I like to spend quality time with people; friends, family, girls, God, etc. Doesn’t matter who it is, I just like having someone with me doing something fun. Beaches. Movies. Lunch. Coffee. Road trips. Proms. Homecomings. Karaoke bars. Anything. Just as long as I’m with people I care about, I’m sure it’ll be a memory, and I like to make memories. They’re nice to have and look back on.